A New Begining

The start of getting back the journal is the hope of this, so much has happened that I can’t start to talk about it or tell the whole story at once. So I’ll just talk like you already know and then we’ll figure it out. The need has gone deep these last few days, only it has been building for months now. Four days ago I saw the dentist then raked the yard and just did a lot more than usual. At the end of the day and night my chest ached and I still think it was muscular and not my heart or aortic valve as I’ve learned over the years. The next day I got killer pain or screaming pain in my lower back. As I move it gets locked and I’ll just roll over on the floor and figure out how to move and get up again. As I stand and move around these last couple days the pain is in my chest and lower back always. Now I just feel a little ache in my back as I sit here on my bed and type. Lily and I went out and had a nice lunch and saw all the dogs at galleria adoption day. Tomorrow I have a dentist appointment again and I’ll just go along in between the panics that I’m dying.
I’ve wanted to get back to writing down my thoughts and thinking things out to see the results of my present moment choices our having and realizing I have the power to change the choice that will bring about different outcomes in the future, if I want. Writing all this down lets me slow down and take a look at what I’m saying and soak it in to my awareness, not just the thoughts and letting it go.

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New Book Release

My new book has finally come out, now it’s learning how to market it and let people know about it!

Amazon

Barnes and Noble

changing_my_reality

 

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Change in mind makes a difference

I’m getting the outside of my house painted and have a really nice great painter working, but don’t like people here ever day working. I’ve been finding myself getting upset because it is taking what I think is so long. All of a sudden the guy painting my house had problems where his in-laws got in an accident and his son was stranded at the hospital with them. All of a sudden I can’t think about him working just hoping everything is all right.  Him coming out and painting seems so small right now when a day ago him finishing was all I could think about. “It’s just a house it can wait.” I found myself saying when just a day ago it was the most important thing to me. It’s sad that something like this happened to make me realize that I was in control so much in control of my feelings and thoughts. It’s not healthy for me to get upset over things like wanting him to finish when just a change of mind makes all the difference in my reality.

Marmot at Top of Mountain

 

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Dr. David Simon Talks About Attention and Intention

One of my favorites: What you put your attention on grows stronger in your life!

 

 

 

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Nightmares and Meditation

Last night I had a dream or  nightmare that my daughter Lily and I moved to a new town, not sure where. Any way she found a group of kids her age and asked to go to a party and I said okay. Next thing I remember was waking up (in the dream) and realizing it was almost 5 in the morning. I called her on her cell phone and through loud music I yelled at her to get home now! She said told me she didn’t have a ride and then heard her yell that she broke her nose. I kept yelling and screaming for her but only heard music “you’ve got to change your evil ways” by Santana. The phone hung up and I tried to call her back, and this went on for awhile until I woke up. My heart was pounding and I was scared until I realized it was just a dream and Lily was in her room sleeping with her dog, and they were fine.

I was still scared and the only thing I could think do to get it out my mind was meditate. It was tough focusing on my breath because every couple breaths I would start to go back to the nightmare. I had to become aware of the present, remind myself it was okay then go back to my breathing. It took awhile, but the meditating helped and I did fall back to sleep for a few more hours. It’s like my surgeries and other scary times of my life where just a little time focused on the present moment and saying a mantra or focusing on my breath saved me once again.

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The way I choose to look at August

August is the month I had my aortic dissection and It was also the month I had a lot of my bowel surgeries. I went into this month a little afraid of what was going to happen to me this month. I tried to think about the saying what you put your focus on will only grow stronger in your life, but can’t say it helped out much. Last night I laid in bed not being able to sleep and the thought that this month is also the month that I also got better and started to recover from health problems. Last year it was June and July that I was always going to the hospital, but August is when I had my surgery and started to heal. In 2014 I spend months before August dealing with high blood pressure and all the problems that go along with that, but in August I went through a surgery and dialysis for my kidney failure and started the healing process. August is not the month to be scared, but it is a month of starting to face my problems and start healing. I choose to look at this month as a new start on life and choose to focus on what is most important in life for me right now.

My daughter Lily and my family are the most important things in my life right now and after I get through this month it will also be the first year I didn’t have to go to the hospital in many years. It’s all a new start and that is what I’ll put my attention on and watch it grow stronger in my life. Hey, maybe that saying has some truth to it after all!

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New Reality

In Steamboat Springs

In Steamboat Springs

The thought of being back in Pittsburgh after surviving the aortic dissection, kidney failure, blood blood clots, and another bowel surgery wasn’t even a thought or possibility of ever happening when this picture was taken in December of 2011. I’m just getting my strength back and feeling what I can call normal again less than three years before this picture was taken. Back in our home shoveling the snow in the winter and now cutting the lawn in the summer it almost feels like our time in Colorado was a dream and never really happened.

I guess I have all my pictures to prove it did really take place and I miss Steamboat with all my heart, but I have to say if I hadn’t just got to Pittsburgh after my drive from Steamboat I don’t think I would have died if this happened there. I ended up just miles away after 3 days of driving to the vascular surgeon that could save my life. If that’s not being in the right place at the right time is like hitting the mega-lotto when it comes to staying alive

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Slow Down and Be aware

Eat With Awareness and enjoy the taste, aroma, even break down the different taste you notice. Sweet Sour Salty Bitter and Astringent – Don’t watch TV and stop before your stomach is full. Give your stomach some room for the stomach acids to start breaking your meal down. Enjoy!

 

me

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Have a Purpose For Being Here Today!

 

I had something written but didn’t like how I explained needing to have a reason or purpose to be here. It just makes sense but you have to think about it or become aware.

“What you put your attention on will grow stronger in your life.”  Dr. David Simon

 

Marmot at Top of Mountain

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Why is meditation so important?

The goal of meditation is to focus your attention and eliminate the stream of jumbled thoughts that may be crowding your mind. I realized over time that my mind and body were filled with automatic reactions to most of my thoughts. When I meditate I say a mantra or 3 words that make no sense to me over and over. Usually my mind starts to wonder after about thirty seconds and after a while I start to become aware that I’m daydreaming and go back to my mantra. It is practicing becoming aware of my thoughts wondering and making the choice to go back to my mantra that is the key. Starting to realize I can catch a bad reaction I can choose the reaction to things that are best for my health.
I’m not sure if that makes sense, but I know that some quiet silent time, or meditation is important for me to do every day, even if is for just 5-10 minutes or when you are feeling like your health is getting out of control, slow your thoughts and get through the pain of your illness. It won’t heal you, but it will help.

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